Shyness. Awkwardness and being my dumbarse scared chooken self.

I made a quiet promise to myself as my hips jerked and gyrated to good music at Sensation on New Years Eve. I swore that I wouldn’t walk past you any longer.

Now if only I knew what to talk to you about….

1) Where did you begin 2009?
Slowly and surely bringing in the new year with my late best friend.

2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day?
Depressingly single (as always)

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Nope, however, work did feel like attending kindergarten at times

4) How did you earn your money?
By being the same old phonebot wageslave I have been for the last five years.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Only to visit people and unfortunately say goodbye to my late best friend.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Just the usual having to deal with the ever reliable VicPol when it came to being threatened by my fuckwit muzztech next door beefcake neighbours.

7) Where did you go on holiday?
What is this thing called a “hoiday”? It does NOT compute. NEXT….
What did you purchase that was over $1000?
My Macbook

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
No.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
My once was best friend.

11) Did you move anywhere?
Out of my chair to go to the bathroom on numerous occasions.

12) What concerts/shows did you go to?
Propagandhi, Ferry Corsten. Both were brilliant.

13) Describe your birthday.
Ended up taking the day off from work. Got hair cut and dyed and generally had a stress free day.

14) What’s one thing you thought you’d never do but did in 2009?
Met some pretty awesome people from Twitter and actually attended an MTUB.

15) What has been your favorite moment?
Messy goodbyes between myself and a very delicious bloke at Flinders Street Station, crazy nights out with the work crew, meeting new people.

16) What’s something you learnt about yourself?
I’m strong (in the mental sense)

17)  Any new additions to your family?
Nope.

18) What was your best month?
December

19) Where will you be ending 2009?
At Etihad Stadium, dressed in white, dancing to some funky music at Sensation White.

Highlights:

• Meeting new people (namely Twitter friends)
• surviving my first MTUB
• Meeting the ever elusive @gryphn_ and having a whale of a good time (and then he pissed off back to Adelaide and off Twitter – awwwww)
• Seeing Mr Ferry Corsten do his DJ thang at the Metro and learning that DJs with a hefty pair of manboobs are actually very very talented (bring on Trent McDermott at Sensation!!)
• Gaining a new boss at work
• Work’s major Christmas party (complete with karaoke!!)
• Guitar Hero 5 for the Xbox 360

Lowlights

• Losing my bestie
• Dealing with way too much drama and almost leaving the Internet permanently
• Feeling like I’m not going anywhere workwise at the moment
• Christmas

To all the people who have stopped by this website (that’s everyone, innit??), had a quick read and then ran away in horror, I would like to wish you all an awesome 2010. Here’s hoping the year ahead absolutely RAWKS.

Lo and behold, I had a total of twenty three, yus, 23 moderated requests from random people across the intertubes asking me for a Google Wave invitation.

PLEASE READ THIS NEXT SENTENCE CAREFULLY BEFORE LEAVING A COMMENT.

I don’t have any Google Wave invitations to give away. Please don’t ask. If I do acquire one, I will happily help people out.

Please don’t make me feel sadder or even more left out than I do at the moment. I have no bananas or Google Wave love to give.

Thanks.

She trawls through old emails from back when people wrote to her. The days before the ex boyfriends, spam monsters and “respected” friends frightened the few online penpals she had away.

She wants to light up a cigar but it’s a school night and she knows that if she did this, she’d buzz off to the bottle-o for an eff off bottle of gin.

She’s had enough of looking at old photos that she took of stencil art that’s long been painted over. Hosier Lane ain’t what it used to be five years ago.

Life on other planets must be awesome compared to this.

Instead the one hundred and forty characters get stretched to over one thousand. Every Web 2.0 entrepreneurial type, podcaster, former postman and social media coke snorter is waiting for a paragraph about how AWESOME Google Wave is.

Well, uhhh, sorry to disappoint you but I HAVEN’T GOT A BLOODY GOOGLE WAVE INVITE YET. So nyerr. (that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love one)

I spent time trying to make a mixtape last night. You remember mixtapes, right? TDK D90 audio cassette in a twenty year old double deck cassette recorder hooked up to an equally ancient amp fed into the Macbook.

Real girls use cassettes to make crazy mixtapes for blokes they reckon are “pretty bloody alright, yaknowhattumsayin’”.

Trying to figure out whether the bloke has a cassette player himself is a different kettle of barramundi altogether.

There’s something quite special about making mixtapes and then listening to the final product. I was brought up on wow and flutter, jumpy vinyl, half chewed cassettes recovered from a feral National Panasonic ghetto blaster from 1985.

Sadly mixtape making has been a bit of a cursed affair as well. I’ve had blokes throw my cassettes on the ground and step on them. Crushed the magnetic ribbon, crushed the creativity and crushed my heart to pieces. TDK didn’t get the chance to do amazing things to any of their systems.

Is this why all the cool kids now make mp3 mixtapes instead? Uncrushable just deletable.

So, fellas, tell me, if some chick made a mixtape for you as a way of saying “you’re an alright sort of guy, let’s hang out sometime”, would you dig that or find it to be childish?

Hit me up with a comment. I’m curious to know what you think.

Sitting on the train, enduring twenty two minutes of commercial free commuting to the fuschia coloured fortress that I call “home”. Thoughts of a black Saturday where I flew into the worst rage I’ve ever flown into chew at my brain. Tipped over the edge by too many missed opportunities, a strong feeling of isolation and a treasure trove of memories that should’ve been left back in the past.

Fourteen years of being part of a scene which I’m only now beginning to rediscover. Trying to reclaim the last ten years of my life. Still quietly reeling over how many people I lost in 2008. Wanting to punch any fucker who makes fun of me because I have a lazy eye.

It’s easier being a bundle of pixels and text sometimes as opposed to being a real life human. One small swipe of a finger and et voilà, you’re a distant memory.

Apparently I’m wasting my talents in a job that pays me to be a robot. Perhaps I just don’t want to “think”. Perhaps I just want to spend the rest of my life reading from a script and pushing anything I learnt at university OUT of my brain.

I supplement my dull robotic personality by wearing tshirts with witty sayings on them to work. I dip myself in music, I drown myself in bass, I laugh at the fact that everyone reads the RSS feed but never visits the website.

Narcissism? A cry for help? She’s not on Twitter for a reason. Scared of what’s to follow? Tl;dr. Found a friend again but got the feeling I’ve been thrown into the “Blocked” pile.

I’d drink a Peroni with you but I fear I would tell you all my secrets. You’d see me at my worst. Teary, emotional and definitely human.

Is that what you want? All I’m looking for is a friend. It’s a shame they all run away in the end.

What’s new, Pussycat? You probably won’t be reading all that much about my adventures at work. The reason being that things there are on the extreme “up” with a new boss, some trusted familiar faces returning and a big bag of positive vibes to make everything GOOD™ again.

I’ve rediscovered my long lost love of trance music and I want to thank the very delicious sounding Mr Dennis Ruyer for making my morning train ride to work an amazing one with his Dance Department podcast.

There isn’t much else to really report. I turned 32 a few weeks ago and that was the biggest non-event ever. I spent the day on my own. No going out for drinks or anything extravagant like that. I’ve turned into a bit of a nanna. A nanna that will be shaking it on the dancefloor to the sounds of Ferry Corsten come September 11. The Sensation White NYE party is also high on my to-attend list.

(yes, dear reader, @melbournegirl has sold her soul and soles to the church of Corsten/Tiesto/Van Buuren)

It’s great to be back. As always, please excuse the mess and other broken blog bits. Everything will be back to a half arsed state of normal in the next couple of days.

You almost certainly won’t hear them muse about real and fake tits. In fact, they’re “breasts” and NOT tits, norgs, hooters, jumper footies or any other variation.

You wouldn’t want to take a non girly girl out to a club for fear that she might actually buy YOU a drink and actually dance because the music has got her hotter than a furnace.

She doesn’t wear make up because her girly girl sisters keep bitching about how mineral make up makes them break out in pimples.

The last time she wore a dress, you could grab those love handles and ride her (in a non vulgar way) down a highway.

She loves the way guys think and would defend any bloke mate of hers to the death if some girl hurt him.

She’s had her heart broken one too many times. She loves spoiling any guy she does happen to get close to. She’s shed enough tears and thinks it might be time to become a girly girl because from past experience, geekgirls always come last.

What exactly is or was “my day”? The late 1990s? Pre-Internet days? Uni days? The 1980s?

Apart from using such a passé line, my tolerance levels for fads and resurrected trends has wained so much since my late 20s.

I see girls wearing what looks like nothing more than a long tshirt over leggings and think to myself “Darling, where are your pants?” I see guys wearing skinny jeans with a huge bubble where their bottom is supposed to be. My instant reaction is “Did you borrow your sister’s jeans? Let your nuts breathe, brother.”

2009 feels like 1989 complete with frosted lipstick, huge leather belts worn around tops and guys with mullet hairdos.

I have friends who were born between 1986 and 1989. I just can’t relate. I remember all your funky awesome trends the first time around. We didn’t have Supre, Cotton On, Politix, Facebook or Twitter back then. The only “Internet” we had were BBSes but even those were far and few. If you owned a Intel 286 PC back then or even an Amiga, you were the coolest geek around. We used to write letters back then too.

We’ve become a society that sucks hard on the teat of social media. I’m asked a common question by new acquaintences these days. “Do you have Facebook?”. I’ve started to answer no and tell them that I’m on Twitter, email or just direct them to this site.

Life was so much easier before social media. Less heartaches, misunderstandings, mistrust and confusion.

The world is a smaller place and it creeps me out.